


Heaven in Hard Times

by rivlee



Series: Gone Are All The Days: D.C.-Metro Tales [5]
Category: Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-15
Updated: 2012-09-15
Packaged: 2017-11-14 06:13:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/512182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivlee/pseuds/rivlee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nasir didn’t think he could take the stress of it all much longer. He’d  try to do the noble thing so DADT wouldn’t be a concern. Part of a Modern!AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven in Hard Times

**Author's Note:**

  * For [o_rcrist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/o_rcrist/gifts).



> **Disclaimer:** This is all fiction based off the characters as portrayed in the Starz television series _Spartacus_. Title from Empires’ _Hard Times_.
> 
> **A/N:** Unbeated character background ficlet. For a prompt from sandstone_dreams on tumblr.

Nasir knew joining the Navy would see to a whole slew of personal sacrifices over the next eight years. The greatest risk was for his own life; a cost he was fine with paying if it meant saving others. It also meant repressing and hiding parts of himself. Nasir always knew he was gay and counted himself extremely fucking lucky to be raised by a Grandmother and brother who openly accepted and encouraged him. When he announced that his plans for the future included the Navy and not college, Grandma and Dagan were shocked, concerned, and yet still supportive. 

Nasir knew he could handle sacrificing eight years’ worth of relationship time for the greater good. He told himself he wouldn’t risk his career getting involved with another man. He most especially made no plans which involved dating a fellow member of the military, not with DADT hanging over their heads. His plans never took into account someone like Agron Metzger. He would learn, in the years to follow, that the Metzgers saw nice life plans and felt it was best to set them on fire and blow them up. 

Nasir didn’t want to admit that Dagan was right, that the military wasn’t for him. He was going to finish his eight years and then be done with it. He wasn’t like Agron, who had career military etched into his skin. Agron, whose father was a Rear Admiral, and while Conrad Metzger loved his children, adored Nasir, and was protective of their relationship, that somehow made it even worse. Every time Nasir spoke with Conrad and Mina, it took all his effort to not apologize for possibly tarnishing their family legacy. He’d met some of those no-honor witch hunters trying to get a promotion by outing military members. They went to fucking illegal levels of stalking. If suspicion fell on Agron, they’d look to Duro and Saxa too. Duro had nothing to worry about but Saxa already had enough to deal with being a female fighter-pilot in training. Nasir couldn’t be selfish about this and he couldn’t take the stress and the worry. 

They just needed to separate for the next two years. That was it. They could wait. Worst case scenario Agron would say no and Nasir would lose everything but they’d still have their jobs. Agron’s career would be safe, as would Saxa’s. The repeal might come through by them and with only worry about one discharge as opposed to two, Nasir felt a sense of relief just thinking about the possibility. 

This wasn’t a conversation for the phone or a video chat. So much of Agron was expressed with his body and Nasir needed those cues for this discussion. He spent the flight to San Diego trying to both talk himself into and out of ending his relationship with Agron. By the time he pulled up to his off-base apartment in Coronado, he still hadn’t come to a decision. This was a surprise trip, done on a whim while Nasir was on leave. He fully expected it to go to shit. Luckily, Oceanside was only an hour away and Dagan was currently working at Pendleton training the new boot drops. 

Fifteen minutes after he pulled up to the driveway, he’d finally convinced himself to leave the rental car. He had his own key to this apartment. To the mailbox. To the storage unit round back. An extra set of Agron’s car keys were on this ring too. Along with a set of keys to Duro’s house and car for when Nasir was in Oceanside visiting Dagan. Mira gave them matching keychains, with a leather stitched anchor and cherub because that’s how Mira did things. This could be the last time he used these keys. 

Agron wasn’t home when he walked in but Donar was there, leaning over the sink eating a bowl of chicken ramen.

Donar looked up in surprise. “Does he know you’re supposed to be here?”

“No,” Nasir croaked. He cleared his throat. “I was going for the element of surprise.”

“Why do I have a feeling this isn’t going to be a good surprise.”

Nasir shrugged unable to form words in defense or denial. He clenched and unclenched his hands and fought to keep the bile churning in his stomach from reaching his throat. 

Donar put down his bowl and grabbed Nasir by the arm. He dragged him down the hall, past the office and the workout space, to Agron’s bedroom and its attached bathroom. He nudged the toilet seat down and pushed Nasir to sit.

“Take a deep breath, Nasir, come on.”

Nasir nodded and tried, found his breath caught in his chest and tried again. His face was getting hot and he knew, damn it, he knew tears weren’t too far behind. He wouldn’t do this. He would not fucking do this.

“Whatever it is, it’ll be alright,” Donar said. He hugged Nasir. “He loves you, you know. We’ll fix whatever’s wrong.”

This was it; this was the moment where Nasir just couldn’t take it anymore. This was Donar, who always had their backs; who covered for them on every single occasion; who switched his own leave and sacrificed time with Mira so Agron and Nasir could go on vacation together; who took three days off and drove Dagan and Nasir to fucking Disneyland because they’d never gone.

This was the breaking point. He wasn’t just about to lose Agron. After this there would be no more late-night bullshit conversations with Duro; no more going with Saxa to hockey games; no more D.C. weekends shopping the flea markets with Mina and Conrad; no more Mira, no more Donar. Because of one stupid fucking policy Nasir had to give-up part of his family or go through the task of asking for a discharge without outing Agron. 

“Shit, Nasir, hold on, it’s okay, just give me a second okay?”

Nasir nodded and let Donar go. He rubbed his temples and tried to calm himself down. 

Donar patted his knee. “I’ll be right back, okay.” There was the sound of running water and a tiny Dixie cup was shoved under Nasir’s nose. “Drink that, okay?”

Nasir took it and waved Donar off. 

He came back five minutes later with a bottle of water, aspirin, some Clear Eyes, and a box of tissues.

“Agron’s on his way,” he explained.

“Thank you,” Nasir said, “for everything.”

“Always,” Donar said. “I’ll be in the living room when you’re ready.”

Nasir nodded. He took the time to splash his face with some cold water. The hand-towel almost brought him to tears again. Grandma Karimi sent them to Agron after Nasir complained they only had ratty washcloths. He hadn’t been here in months and yet Nasir’s preferred shampoo, toothpaste, and deodorant were freshly stocked. Back in the bedroom a whole stack of books were on _his_ nightstand. It was a habit Agron had, of wandering bookstores and buying shit he’d never read but knew Nasir loved. A bottle of his favorite cologne was there too. 

How the hell was he supposed to do this? 

He took a moment then to breathe in the scent of Agron, to remember this room and this apartment, and all the good times spent here. How their first date was a family brunch in the dining room. How the first time Agron told Nasir he loved him they were pressed against the bedroom door, trying to hide from an enraged Mira after accidently setting her famed pot roast on fire. How the first time they tried to have sex, Agron had gotten his feet caught in his jeans, slammed his head on the dresser, and blacked out. How the second time they tried, three days later, was a success. How they had spent hours in this room just enjoying the peace of each other’s company. They couldn’t go out on dates unless it was with a whole group, they wouldn’t take that risk, so theirs was a relationship built on nights-in; from legendary Wii tennis tournaments (which Nasir always won) to some bastardized version of strip _Clue_ (which Agron always cheated at and won). 

He couldn’t think about this now. 

Back in the living room, Donar was sitting on the couch talking into his cell phone.

“Here he is,” he said. He held the phone out. “It’s Mira. She wants to talk at you for a bit.”

Nasir gladly took it and let Mira’s voice fill his ears. She talked about nonsense and did a damn god job of keeping him steady. 

There was the sound of tires screeching outside. A slammed car door, a shouted _fucking shit_ as keys fumbled into the lock. Finally Agron had the door open.

“Nasir,” Agron’s voice was full of panic as he came into the apartment. 

Agron look half-crazed and Nasir quickly handed the phone back to Donar before it got crushed by Agron’s concern. In less than a second Agron was kneeling in front of Nasir, hands running over Nasir’s skin looking for injury. 

“Status,” Agron barked.

“I’m fine,” Nasir said. “Agron, I’m not hurt.”

Agron sat back and nodded. His chest was still heaving, nostrils still flared, but he was starting to come down. He opened his eyes and studied Nasir, worry clouding his face.

“Nasir, it’s not Dagan is it? Or your grandmother, it’s not Grandma Karimi, right?”

Agron had yet to meet his grandmother and yet here he looked, so worried, so goddamned concerned because he knew how much she meant to Nasir. How was he supposed to do this? 

Nasir could feel the heat rushing his face again and absolutely refused to let the tears come back. There were three things Agron could not, for all his skill and competence, deal with: properly changing a tire, any snake longer than a pencil, and the tears of a loved one. 

“Nasir, please tell me what’s wrong,” Agron begged. 

“I can’t do this,” Nasir blurted out.

He meant to ease into the conversation. 

“Can’t do what, love?” 

“Fuck,” Nasir muttered. He couldn’t look at Agron and say any of this. He closed his eyes, put his head in his hands and just decided to let it go. “I can’t handle the stress of this anymore. I can’t handle the guilt. I can’t live with the fear that there is some pencil pushing administrator somewhere who is looking at my leave requests and comparing them to yours and putting two-and-two together. I can’t deal with the paranoia that someone is going to follow us or tap our phones. They’ve done that shit before, you know. To catch people. I just, I can’t, Agron. I can’t put your career at risk for _this_. I thought about trying to discharge but what if I get the reincarnation of Torquemada at my interview? I just, we need, we need a stop. A break. A pause. Just, just until I can get out. I have two years. Can you, will you?” Nasir lifted his head and looked at Agron. “Will you wait two years? Can you?”

“No,” Agron breathed.

“No, oh,” Nasir said. He wasn’t hyperventilating, he wasn’t, it was just suddenly really hard to breathe. Nasir couldn’t really hear much then but he was pretty sure Mira was yelling over the phone.

Agron’s eyes widened. “No--oh--shit--I didn’t mean-- _no_ -no. Shit,” Agron said. 

“Fucking Christ, use your goddamned words, Agron,” Donar yelled.

Agron scrambled onto the couch and pulled Nasir into his arms. “I didn’t mean no. That’s not. Fuck.”

Nasir clung to him and just tried to concentrate on not passing out. Breathing was good. Steady breathing. Calm breathing. He remembered telling that to Agron, back in Afghanistan, huddled over him and trying to figure out what was arterial spray and what was actual wound. He told him to breathe. 

“What, what did you mean?” Nasir asked. 

“I’m retiring,” Agron said.

“What?” Nasir asked.

“What?” Donar echoed. “He says he’s retiring,” he told Mira. He looked at Agron. “Mira says it’s about damn time you made the decision to leave.”

“Donar, serious conversation going on, bro. Can’t you just go hide in the hallway and pretend not to eavesdrop like most normal people?”

Donar pointed to the table. “My beer and ramen’s here. You two carry on.”

“Thank you for your kindness,” Agron said.

“You’re retiring,” Nasir repeated. He pinched his arm. Yup, that hurt. “You’re retiring,” he said again.

“The meeting I just came from, it was to sort out where I’m spending the last few months. I’m being transferred to Little Creek. It’s not exactly D.C. but still closer than here.”

“Agron, you’re meant to be career military.”

“I’m not _meant_ to do anything other than be happy. I’m tired of dealing with the bullshit worry of some POG jackass trying to ruin our lives.”

Agron wasn’t going with the plan. This wasn’t the plan. “Right,” Nasir agreed, “so we pause. I only have two more years to finish and maybe by then they’ll finally repeal it.”

“Maybe or maybe not, I don’t care. I already have a job offer. It’s for a nice, comfy, civilian position which pays a hell of a lot more than what I make now. 

“Agron,” Nasir protested, “this is your future.”

“Yes, it is. And the only future I want is with you by my side as my partner. Not my very good friend. Not the guy I just happen to live with, but the man I am ridiculously, stupidly in love with. Not going to lie, the lack of open warfare in my future is also a plus.”

Nasir’s head was starting to throb again. “You surprise me with a future and I surprise you with a break-up. What does that say about us?”

“That I’m selfish and you’re selfless. It’s a damn good thing we have each to balance that out.” He pressed soft lips to Nasir’s right temple. “Oh, by the way, your break-up proposal is refused. Did you honestly think I would go for that?”

“I had hoped you’d see reason.”

“Have you met me?”

Donar’s snort turned into a choking cough.

“Eavesdropping assholes are supposed to be silent,” Agron said.

“I was told you SEALs were supposed to be stealthy. I think it was all a lie.”

“Total lie,” Agron said. He stood up and held out a hand to Nasir. “After that mini-heart attack, I could use a nap. You look like you haven’t slept in weeks, Nasir.”

He stood and took Agron’s hand in his own. A small thing, a familiar thing, one of the rare things they always had in public. No one could say shit about a handshake even it went on longer than normal. He dropped their hands and curled an arm around Agron’s waist. He took a moment to just rest there, turned into Agron’s side and breathing in the crisp scent of his service uniform.

“I really haven’t slept. I’ve just...it’s been festering for a while. It’s not something I want. You know that, right? I don't _want_. to leave you. I really fucking love you, Agron. I just can’t let myself be the thing that could cost you and your family its reputation.”

“Our reputation is shit anyway,” Agron said. “My family, the people I love, they are more important to me than some job. I’ve proudly served this country since I was 18. It’s my time now and I _will not_ do that without you. Not for some stupid noble intentions shit.”

Nasir laughed. It felt good. “Don’t I get any say in this?”

“Your say has been revoked until you get your brains back.” He leaned his forehead against Nasir’s. “You’re not going to get rid of me that easily.”

“You’re starting to go from romantic to creepy.”

Agron grinned. “It’s a line I proudly walk.”

“Mira wants you two to just kiss already,” Donar said. 

Nasir leaned into Agron’s chest and laughed long enough to make the other two start. If any tears fell, they were the good kind, and ones Nasir would cherish. Agron was retiring. They had a timetable. 

This, this he could do.


End file.
